I am a single mom of three kids, juggling work, managing school, daycare, and childcare, and still trying to be present for my children. Now, my family says I am selfish because I refuse to care for my elderly parents or pay for their hospital expenses, even though I have the means to help them.
I was 18 years old when my life changed overnight. I got pregnant, scared, young, and clueless. Instead of help, my parents told me to take responsibility.
My dad was very clear about it. He said if I wanted to go through with the pregnancy and be a mom, I should do it on my own. I was kicked out of my family home and forced to move into a small rented apartment.
My parents paid my rent and gave me an allowance. They also paid for my doctor visits till I got a job, sure. But is money everything?
I gave birth alone. I figured out childcare on my own. I learned how to be a mom while still feeling like a kid myself. Over the years, I raised three children with two different men (who both left me).
My oldest is now a school-going daughter, my middle child is a son who just turned seven, and my youngest is an infant. Every year old milestone came with stress and exhaustion. There was no mother helping after birth, no family checking up on my babies.
Being a single mom is not just hard, it is nonstop. My time revolves around my kids. School drop-offs, daycare fees, childcare schedules, doctor visits, and making sure there is food at home.
When one child gets sick, everything falls apart. When the baby cries at night, I still wake up early for school runs the next morning. I haven’t met my friends or gone on a solo holiday in years.
I have juggled jobs while carrying an infant. I have skipped spending money on myself so I could save for our future. I have stayed up late helping my daughter with homework while holding a crying baby.
This was my everyday life. My family was not part of it. But a while back, the father of two of my babies passed, and left me quite a big amount as child support and a nice home for the kids.
So suddenly, my family wants in. I don’t know how they found out but yeah. Recently, I got a call that my parents are old and sick. My mother has been in and out of the hospital. My father is struggling too.
Suddenly, everyone remembered I exist. My brother reached out first. He said bills are high and asked for help. He talked about hospital costs, home care, and how families should stick together.
I told him I am not an ATM. I said I cannot take responsibility for parents who refused to take responsibility for me. Two hours later, I froze when I got a text from my mom saying, “You were always ungrateful as a kid, but I thought you’d have matured by now to appreciate what we did for you. Guess not.”
Appreciate what?? Raising me comfortably? Taking care of me and my needs? Isn’t that a parent’s job and responsibility anyway? There was never an emotional moment I had with my parents. They’re making me sound like a spoiled child, lol.
I am not refusing out of hate. I am refusing because I do not have anything to give. The money I have belongs to my children. My parents made their choice years ago. They chose not to help their pregnant daughter. They chose not to be there during birth, during sleepless nights, during years of struggle.
Now they want help because they are old, sick, and in the hospital. My brother keeps calling. He says I am heartless. He says mom is crying. All this emotional drama has got me thinking. Am I being too cruel in putting my children’s needs first?
