Please keep my identity private. I really don’t want this tied back to me or my family. I’m honestly losing sleep over this whole situation.
To give you some context, my dad left when I was around ten. And when I say he left, I don’t just mean he walked out. Before disappearing, he emptied my mom’s savings. This was money she had been carefully putting aside for years, and then he was simply gone. No explanation, no apology, nothing. After that, my mom worked nonstop just to keep things together. It wasn’t easy, but we survived and eventually built a normal life for ourselves.
Fast forward to now. I’m an adult, I have a stable job, I help my mom out, and for the first time ever, things finally feel calm. No constant stress, no chaos, just peace. But a few weeks ago, I got a message request on social media from a name I didn’t recognize at first. It was my dad. After more than ten years of complete silence, he started talking to me like nothing had ever happened. No apology, no acknowledgment of what he did, just casual updates about his life.
He told me he has a new family now and asked if I wanted to do a video call. Against my better judgment, I agreed. During the call, he introduced me to his wife and kid. I froze. The little girl smiled and immediately started calling me “sister,” and I felt extremely uncomfortable. I told her I wasn’t her sister, made an excuse, and ended the call. I wasn’t trying to be cruel; I was honestly in shock and didn’t know how to handle it.
A few days later, he contacted me again. This time, there was no small talk. His kid is sick, hospital bills are high, and suddenly he’s talking about how family helps family. He kept saying I should step up because I’m her sister and because I’m “doing well now.”
That’s when I lost it. This is someone who stole my mom’s savings, disappeared for years, and now shows up only because he needs money. I told him no, that I wasn’t helping, and that he could figure things out the same way my mom had to when he left us with nothing. Then I hung up.
Now the part that’s really messing with my head: My mom is furious with me and says she’s disappointed. Her reaction took me completely by surprise. I asked her why she was reacting this way after everything we suffered because of him. She confessed she had suggested they break up, but she never expected him to steal all the money and disappear completely. Now she keeps saying the girl didn’t do anything wrong and shouldn’t suffer because of her father’s actions. She says that whether I like it or not, she is my sister.
I understand that, but I can’t get past the fact that my dad only reached out when he needed something. I don’t want to reopen old wounds or let him back into my life. Am I being heartless for refusing to help? Should I separate the kid from the parent and step in anyway? Or is it reasonable to set a hard boundary with someone who abandoned us and only sees me as a backup plan? I’m honestly torn.
